He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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