I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
