I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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