we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
