we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
