It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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