i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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