Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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