First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
