Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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