Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
