I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
