We're facebook friends in real life
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
