Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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