When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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