Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we're making bets on your personal life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
