I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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