This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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