6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
