It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
