I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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