Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
