Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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