I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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