I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
