My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
