duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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