don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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