did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
