On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
