glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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