I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
