I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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