sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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