hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
