Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
