ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
