I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
