Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My bed smells like the plague
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
