Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
