He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
