yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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