Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
