i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
