if you like me you must not know who I am
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
