I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
