is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
