Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
