Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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