Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
